Just mADE A PArabola og urine
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
