Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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