I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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