You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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