He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
