What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
