apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
