I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
