I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
