Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
