shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
