And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
