I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
