I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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