So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
