member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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