He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
