you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
