Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
