I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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