3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
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