Three words: puerto rican gang bang
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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