I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The feeling are messing with the penis
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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