it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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