I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
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They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
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He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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