Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You were trust falling into bushes
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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