The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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