who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
