I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
