Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize