Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
