and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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