Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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