i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
