I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
