Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
