Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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