My first STD was from a foam party
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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