I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize