I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
