Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
