I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
