He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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