I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
