i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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