so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
