i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
