I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
