She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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