my vag is so smooth its legendary
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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