and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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