it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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