Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
