why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
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