WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
