what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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