What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Help. Why am I so naked?
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