The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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