I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
