Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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