....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
