FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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