from now on my penis is your penis
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
