He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
