I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
