1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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