If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
