he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
