Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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