we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
