There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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