I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
