I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
