my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
