we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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