There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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