You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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