I should be sponsored by Trojan
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
