3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
