Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
