Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
