Apparently you make a good broom.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
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