You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
