Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
